Ever heard of that little tale about the girl who’s had her wedding planned since she knew what weddings were? Well technically it’s not a tall tale — it is a dark, little secret most of us girls keep to ourselves.
Maybe that’s why around our 20s we get a little frustrated when it seems that every update on Facebook is about someone getting engaged or posting wedding pictures. Maybe it’s a bit of jealousy or maybe it’s our biological clock freaking out, but either way marriage is an issue that creeps up on us after being tucked away in the darkest of corners.
Surprisingly, though, according to the U.S. Census Bureau the median age for marriage is actually 26 for women and 28 for men. So why then does it seem most of our friends who are in their early 20s are getting married all of the sudden? Do they know something we don’t? Are we, unmarried and single folk, missing out by waiting? When is the right time?
Truthfully, love and marriage is a matter of the heart, but there is a point in time when our marriage sensors start charging up in preparation for the next step in our adult lives.
Usually we (women more than men) set up an age, or an expiration date of “the single life” at an early age in hopes the right person comes along just in time. But when we are young, single and busy with work and college, we easily can stray off course.
And then there are those that in the middle of this journey find someone, and that someone turns into “the one” and, judging by the trend, marriage ensues.
Not that there is anything wrong with getting married in your early 20s. As a matter of fact I have friends who are part of this crowd and are completely sane and happy people. I think people who are lucky enough to discover their match so early benefit a great deal from taking the big step into marriage.
It’s almost as if they are a step ahead of the rest of us. While most of us are living freely, learning independence and trying to “find ourselves,” they are on track to the house and kids and income stability.
They also are finding themselves, but unlike the rest of us they decided to do it together.
They still are adventurous and learning about life but they are sharing every step of the way with their best friend, the love of their life.
There are some of us out there who have been in long five, eight- and even 10-year relationships and still haven’t come close to the idea of marriage, and compared to those who get married after a year of dating people may think something is wrong. But the difference between wasting your time and taking it slow is that when we take our time, we are building something we know is a sure thing. It’s a process with a goal, and we continually are getting something from it.
As for the rest of us, maybe it’s just that we aren’t ready for the commitment or just simply haven’t found that person to share such a great experience with.
When I first thought about marriage, I decided age 25 was a good fit for me. I wanted to be financially independent with a solid career before the prospect of marriage. As 25 gets closer and closer I feel the need to analyze this whole marriage issue. What exactly do we want from marriage? Sometimes we get too excited for the wedding part that the marriage aspect isn’t even thought of until it’s too late.
This is not to say if I’m not married in three years I’ll jump ship and abandon the idea forever. But I definitely believe marriage shouldn’t be looked at as a fairy-tale wedding dress and tropical honeymoon, but as a bonding of two individuals who have made themselves happy first before they take on the role of making someone else happy for the rest of their life. After all, if you can’t be happy with yourself how can you be happy with anyone else, right?
Perhaps that’s the answer. Maybe those who get married haven’t only had the chance to find their life partners, but they were also able to let go of their selfish needs and were happy and independent individuals who knew what they wanted out of life and love. So when that person came along there wasn’t any cloud of doubt holding them back. We can only hope to be so lucky.
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