Despite all the other things that went haywire in college football this year, two usual scenes shook me the most. The two culprits of these actions are repeat offenders who are not remorseful and should be sought out.
I myself have a solution to the problems that would proverbially "kill two birds with one stone," but before I get to that, maybe I should enlighten everyone about these dastardly deeds of college football.
First of all, the worse perpetrator of college football crimes this season is the Baylor Bears. Baylor has once again given the Big 12 Conference a black eye by readily lying down and taking an ass kicking with little struggle.
Baylor's play this season is down right disgusting. Its lack of defense would embarrass Pee Wee Herman. The only right thing to do is take Baylor out of its misery. Sure we all had some great times with the Bears. When BU beat Texas in 1995, we all loved the ole Bears, but things have changed. It's time for the old girl to be taken out behind the barn and shot. It will be hard on us all, but it's for the best.
Great, now that we have that out of the way let's get ready to replace the sultans of stink. No. 1 on my list is Missouri. What's that you say, isn't Missouri already in the Big 12? Well yes, silly, but the Mizzou plays in the North and it belongs in the South.
The Tigers have no intense North rivalry. It claims to have a couple doozies with Kansas and Nebraska, but I'm not buying it. The rights to the Kansas v. Missouri game have generated about as much revenue as my kid sister has in her piggy bank, and the Tigers haven't beaten Nebraska since Carter was president.
So there go the Tigers to the South. Now who will replace them in the North? This is where my true genius kicks in and the other perpetrator of high college football crimes surfaces. The Iowa Hawkeyes should replace Mizzou.
Face it Iowa, the Big 10 Conference gave you the old screw job. Since there are too many teams in the Big 10 and there is no championship game, the Hawkeyes were not allowed to play Ohio State this year and in effect, could not win the conference championship.
Now don't get me wrong; Ohio State belongs where it is. The Buckeyes committed no fouls and finished the season undefeated. The Big 10, though, should be wearing the dunce cap after this situation.
First of all, what kind of no brain hacks allow 11 teams into a conference named the Big 10? At least change the name. Hell, Penn State has been a member for over a decade, but the Big 10 still has not changed the name. Maybe the folks in charge haven't noticed. I'll see if I can't get the nice people at PBS to send the Count from Sesame Street out to Big 10 headquarters for a quick lesson in numbers.
Past the counting issue, the Big 10 needs a championship game. Honestly, the Pac 10 could use one too, but I stay off their case because there are at least only 10 teams in the Pac 10. The two best conferences, the Big 12 and the Southeastern Conference, both have title games. If the Big 10 wants to be considered a major player, then it should have one too. I quickly forget, though, it was the Big 10 that allowed its conference champion Michigan to run under mama Rose Bowl's skirt in 1997 instead of facing Nebraska.
Sorry, I digress. The point here is the Big 10 needs a wake-up call, and who is better to give it than Iowa. The Hawkeyes have been a major team in the conference the last two years, and its loss would be devastating. Iowa has a case to demand to be let out of its contract. The shady planning of the Big 10 held Iowa out of its rightful place. Teach the Big 10 a lesson, Iowa: leave. Come to the Big 12 North.
Iowa has no intense rivalry in the Big 10, and it's biggest rival, Iowa State, sits waiting in the Big 12 North. How much more intense would the annual showdown be between these two teams if it had conference consequences.
This could probably never happen, and five years from now, the Baylor Bears will probably still be providing a week for Big 12 teams to develop second and third string players. Iowa will still be playing in the no talent hack of a conference, the Big 10, and when I'm 80 years old, that conference will still have 11 teams with no name change.
At least I can dream.
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